Blogotional

Nathan Martin writes about "The Death of Friendship." He does so based on reading a magnificent article in the Journal of Higher Education by William Deresiewicz. Martin says:

And here’s the thing, I’m not going to try and summarize this 12 page opus.

He's right, to summarize this article would be to do it injustice, so please read the Deresiewicz article in its entirety. I want to focus on one very telling paragraph from that piece:

Friendship is devolving, in other words, from a relationship to a feeling—from something people share to something each of us hugs privately to ourselves in the loneliness of our electronic caves, rearranging the tokens of connection like a lonely child playing with dolls. The same path was long ago trodden by community. As the traditional face-to-face community disappeared, we held on to what we had lost—the closeness, the rootedness—by clinging to the word, no matter how much we had to water down its meaning. Now we speak of the Jewish "community" and the medical "community" and the "community" of readers, even though none of them actually is one. What we have, instead of community, is, if we're lucky, a "sense" of community—the feeling without the structure; a private emotion, not a collective experience. And now friendship, which arose to its present importance as a replacement for community, is going the same way. We have "friends," just as we belong to "communities." Scanning my Facebook page gives me, precisely

, a "sense" of connection. Not an actual connection, just a sense.That is brilliant analysis and I think oh so true. And I am overwhelmingly struck by how incredibly selfish it is. Elsewhere Deresiewicz says:

As for the moral content of classical friendship, its commitment to virtue and mutual improvement, that, too, has been lost.

And one must hit themselves in the head in the "of course you idiot!" sort of way. What we are doing is turning friendship from something that asks of us into something that asks nothing of us.

And what truly saddens me is that the church seems to be following the same path. We endeavor to make the church not about genuine community but about the kind of faux community that Deresiewicz bemoans about friendship. Slowly, inexorably, we move our lives in a fashion so that no one can demand anything of us. In other words we are completely self-involved. We don't have friends for friends sake, we have friends for our sake. How sad is that.

My life has been very hard in these last few years. Two of those closest to me have passed away. I struggle to replace those friendships. One cannot just replace decades of togetherness in a couple of years. I long to find friendship like that again. And yet I fear it. For part of the friendship of decades is knowing "where not to go." New friends challenge me in areas that the old friends "knew better." I become defensive. That too is selfish.

Lord save us from ourselves.

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Mark Daniels links to his "Daily Bread" devotional on Psalm 51 and repentance.

Step-by-step, the psalm takes the reader through the stages of repentance. It describes the constant mental replays, the gnawing guilt, the shame, and finally the hope of a new beginning that springs from true repentance.

In a remarkable way, Psalm 51 reveals the true nature of sin as a broken relationship with God. David cries out, “Against You, You only, have I sinned” (v.4). He sees that the sacrifices God wants are “a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart” (v.17). Those, David has.

And the post concludes:

Repentance is the soil in which forgiveness flourishes.

We are often told we need to forgive someone, even if they are unrepentant. I am of mixed opinion on that, certainly someone has to take the first step towards restoring a relationship.

But this I can tell you - Trust and depth of relationship cannot develop absent repentance. Once you have been wronged by someone, even if you forgive that wrong, you cannot trust them unless they acknowledge in some fashion that they know they messed up and that they will at least endeavor not to make that mistake again. A cordial relationship may perhaps ensure, but a deep relationship just is not possible without that trust.

That is why I love that soil and growth metaphor. As repentance comes in stages, so does forgiveness. It moves slowly from "I agree not to hold that against you" to "nothing ever happened." But it is a dance.

And there is more. Not only does forgiveness from the other grow with repentance, but forgiveness of ourselves. Even when we will not admit it, we know when we have screwed up and it bother us.

And that, in the end is when we truly flourish in our relationship with Christ. When His love for us and our acceptance of it allows us to take an honest look at ourselves, and know that in spite of the garbage we see strewn around our lives that we are loved. We can forgive ourselves and endeavor never to make that particular mistake again.

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He is now completely God's. He'll be missed.

Jollyblogger quotes Oswald Chambers:

"The entrance into the Kingdom is through the panging pains of repentance crashing into a man’s respectable goodness."

That makes me think about surgery - well actually the fact that I am having some in a few weeks (nothing major, just plastic surgery to remove some leftovers from my weight loss) doesn't hurt, but seriously...

We typically have surgery, a very painful undertaking, to avoid something worse. We are willing to suffer pain to avoid death and other forms of unpleasantness.

So why are we so want to avoid the "panging pains of repentance" when it comes to things spiritual? That, as the doctors might say, "discomfort" is needed to avoid consequences far worse. The question answers itself - we do not truly understand the consequences of the decision.

Which makes plastic surgery more interesting to examine in our metaphor. People no longer like to talk about the downsides to a lack of repentance - put lets set that aside and focus on the upsides. That's kind of like plastic surgery. No one will die if they don't get it, but their life is improved. Just so we do not get lost in the metaphor here, I am not talking about "cosmetic" surgery where beautiful people make themselves more beautiful. I am talking about stuff where kids with cleft palettes are made to look normal, or someone like me for whom walking will be much easier when I lose the skin that hangs between my legs.

There are significant upsides to suffering the "panging pains of repentance" but people are still unwilling to go there. The reason, I think is because people do not see the upsides. We may talk about them in church, but they do not really SEE them. We look like everybody else. And that, of course, is because we have not truly suffered the "panging pains of repentance."

You see, if you want to do ministry, real genuine ministry - the kind that truly changes the world. That is where we need to start - on our knees, suffering the "panging pains of repentance."

It's not easy, but it is worth it.

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HEROES AND ARTISTS - HERCULES

Bob Layton

Art Adams

David Williams

Ed McGinnis

Gil Kane

Kack "The King" Kirby

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Chaplain Mike, writing at iMonk talks about the ministry of visitng:

The ministry of visiting…it’s what I have the privilege to do.

I think it is what pastors and Christian people used to do, what they were expected to do. But something changed in the church.

[...]

I had a patient whose wife was an artist, and their situation meant that she was the only one available to care for him. She was struggling with this because she had an artist’s temperament and needed some space and time for herself. She was burning out and needed help. I encouraged her to call one of the local “mega-churches” nearby, thinking that surely they would have a caring person who could come and simply sit with her husband for an hour to give her some respite.

However, when she called, the person in the church office couldn’t seem to understand her request—“No, we don’t have anyone to do that. Are you a member of the church? Is your husband a Christian?—we could send an evangelistic team over. No, that’s not what you want? Well, do you belong to one of our small groups? I could direct you to our small groups pastor and he could take your information and maybe get you connected there, and you could attend a small group meeting and maybe someone in the small group could help you. No, I’m sorry, none of our pastors is available right now. Do you want to make an appointment to meet with one?”

This is Christian “customer service” in today’s church. Press one and get no help at all. Sorry, no option available for “I’m your neighbor who needs some simple human attention.”

[...]

The true and living God visits his people. He comes to us. He meets us on our turf. He enters our world. He knocks on our door. He comes personally to sympathize with us and meet our deepest needs. Jesus is the Incarnate One who visits us.

A long time ago I worked with a Board of Deacons at a church that had a simple goal - divide up the congregation and have a Deacon contact, and if members agreed visit, every member of the congregation at least once annually. Every deacon ended up with about 30 households to call upon, so you were looking at less than one "call" a week.

You'd have thought you were asking people to step on hot coals. Many people were simply afraid to call on strangers; some could not find the times, others "did not know what to say" (despite extensive training), and some simply thought it "too intrusive."

There was also a small group of deacons set aside to call on the sick, infirmed, and homebound. They did not have any such issues. When someone had a noticeable "need" such calling was not an issue, but when all appearance were good, well....

And so we can conclude that most people only think the church has much to offer when they are in some state of dire consequence. And yet, as Mike points out, churches are getting less ans less good at doing even that.

But more, how little we think of Jesus when we do not believe that he has something of great consequence to offer anybody, regardless of circumstance.

That's just a shame

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Because as I blog, guess what sits in my lap...

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Ron Edmondson writes:

The life of a believer is not always rosy. I’m quite sorry if you are new to the faith and that surprises or disappoints you. Sometimes the outside world assumes that because we claim to know God personally that we have somehow risen above the stresses of life. That is far from the truth.

No, the Christian life is filled with strife. At times life is glorious, and at those times we can easily see the hand of our God at work in our lives. Other times, however, life gets to be a bitter battle just to stay afloat. We drift along, sometimes barely holding on to the hand of our Creator.

But we do hold on…and, praise His name, even more than that, He holds on to us. He has never let one of His children go; not one of them has ever been forsaken. [emphasis added]

How often in times of crisis and stress do we struggle to do something, anything, when what we really need to do is rest in the arms of the One who grips us so tightly. We pledge to be more devoted to our devotionals, or prayer more, or go on a missions - we try to hold on to God.

But what we really need to do is to cease trying so hard, and be held. It's funny, but if we rest in Him, much of the problem resolves without the circumstances changing. Have you ever thought about that - simple perspective matters so much. What seems to be a big problem, when viewed standing on our own to feet, seems very small when resting in the arms of the Lord.

Psalm 46:10 - Cease striving and know that I am God...

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