Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Observations and Questions
Call this post a bookmark -- Saving some ideas for later. When you have known someone as long as I have known my friend Ken, the occassion of that person's funeral will result in the renewal of many old friendships and acquaintances. Through that process, I made a couple of observations that may be worthy of discussion here.
The first is that I appear to be somewhat unique in terms of memory for events. In such a situation swapping stories is, of course, the order of the day. I found myself able to recall many incidents and specifics that completely escaped most others. Oh, to be sure, I was not completely alone. In one instance an old friend that I was on the high school basketball team with and I were able to discuss specific plays and specific games from specific years, but the rest of the people at the table stared at us like we were somehow alien. The more typical response was the person that had season tickets next to Ken and I for IU basketball in 1983 that could not remember us sitting together for 12 games -- while I was quoting the score of each game. This phenomena extended to far more than basketball.
Am I, and the few others, unique in this sense? Why? What is it about us that gives us this ability to recall? Why was I able to spot people I had not seen in 30 years, walk up to them, and have them look at me as if I was a complete stranger -- it often taking several sentences before they would have even a vague recollection of me? People that I spent hours and hours with.
The other observation was that the friendship that Ken and I shared seemed unique. Many people commented that they could not conceive of staying that close, that many years, over such a distance. Why not? Ken and I exchanged no vows, made no promises -- it was just natural. There are others in my life with whom I share such a bond, though not quite as long lived, but that is mostly about coincidence, not timing.
I do not think this was a faith matter. Ken and I had very, very different approaches to our faith. My grief was compounded by sorrow for people that had little or no conception of real human intimacy beyond what they shared with their spouse, and that is a very different sort of intimacy indeed.
Please, give me some feedback and comment. Have you made similar observations, or asked similar questions? Are you interested? What do you think?
The first is that I appear to be somewhat unique in terms of memory for events. In such a situation swapping stories is, of course, the order of the day. I found myself able to recall many incidents and specifics that completely escaped most others. Oh, to be sure, I was not completely alone. In one instance an old friend that I was on the high school basketball team with and I were able to discuss specific plays and specific games from specific years, but the rest of the people at the table stared at us like we were somehow alien. The more typical response was the person that had season tickets next to Ken and I for IU basketball in 1983 that could not remember us sitting together for 12 games -- while I was quoting the score of each game. This phenomena extended to far more than basketball.
Am I, and the few others, unique in this sense? Why? What is it about us that gives us this ability to recall? Why was I able to spot people I had not seen in 30 years, walk up to them, and have them look at me as if I was a complete stranger -- it often taking several sentences before they would have even a vague recollection of me? People that I spent hours and hours with.
The other observation was that the friendship that Ken and I shared seemed unique. Many people commented that they could not conceive of staying that close, that many years, over such a distance. Why not? Ken and I exchanged no vows, made no promises -- it was just natural. There are others in my life with whom I share such a bond, though not quite as long lived, but that is mostly about coincidence, not timing.
I do not think this was a faith matter. Ken and I had very, very different approaches to our faith. My grief was compounded by sorrow for people that had little or no conception of real human intimacy beyond what they shared with their spouse, and that is a very different sort of intimacy indeed.
Please, give me some feedback and comment. Have you made similar observations, or asked similar questions? Are you interested? What do you think?
