Monday, August 22, 2005
Singleness
The Gad(d)about talked about being single on Saturday. It's good stuff, can't disagree with a word - I just want to make a couple of comments.
Firstly, I was single until nearly 40, my wife likewise. We have recently received some nice comments from people about our devotion to one another. Trust me, when you go that long without a mate, when you finally have one he or she will be the most precious person in the world to you. That does not mean my wife is not worth every bit of devotion I have to her, it simply means that I think I appreciate her far more than many of my friends that married their high school sweethearts. The problems with child-bearing that come with such late marriage recommend against it, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I married the best woman in the world for me.
Secondly, I think marriage for marriage sake is a mistake. That does not mean I am a romanticist that thinks you should wait for Prince or Princess Charming, that simply means, I think you should marry someone with whom you know you can build a life, and for the sake of that individual -- not just anyone because you are "supposed" to get married.
This I know for sure -- marriage doesn't solve any problems, it just changes the problem set. It's not a panacea. It makes one better simply because of the necessity to consider "the other," but it does not solve you self-image problem, or even your loneliness. I recommend marriage, but you need the right expectations.
Firstly, I was single until nearly 40, my wife likewise. We have recently received some nice comments from people about our devotion to one another. Trust me, when you go that long without a mate, when you finally have one he or she will be the most precious person in the world to you. That does not mean my wife is not worth every bit of devotion I have to her, it simply means that I think I appreciate her far more than many of my friends that married their high school sweethearts. The problems with child-bearing that come with such late marriage recommend against it, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I married the best woman in the world for me.
Secondly, I think marriage for marriage sake is a mistake. That does not mean I am a romanticist that thinks you should wait for Prince or Princess Charming, that simply means, I think you should marry someone with whom you know you can build a life, and for the sake of that individual -- not just anyone because you are "supposed" to get married.
This I know for sure -- marriage doesn't solve any problems, it just changes the problem set. It's not a panacea. It makes one better simply because of the necessity to consider "the other," but it does not solve you self-image problem, or even your loneliness. I recommend marriage, but you need the right expectations.
