Wednesday, June 27, 2007
On Being A Son
So many people have been so supportive since my parent's auto accident and my father's death. There is insufficient graditude in the world to deal with such a debt.
In all of that; however, I have found one astonshing fact - the closeness that I had with my father is relatively unique. People that did not know us well simply look amazed when I tell them that Dad and I spoke several times a week. People that did know us tell me how blessed I was to be that close to my dad and express how they wish they could have been that close to their parent and/or child. I respond with a bit of incredulity because my closeness with my father was the most natural thing in the world to me. By the way, I am that close to my mother too, but given her dementia....
I will not bore you with the details, but as with all parent/child relationships there was a time when things were quite strained, but we just worked hard to get through it and came out the other side friends. When people ask that is the what I always tell them. Yes he was my father but he was also amongst my closest friends.
Why not - who would I share more perspective with than the man that taught me perspective to begin with?
Among the grief I am currently feeling is grief for those that tell me they wish they could be that close to their parents, or who are simply astonished at how close I was to mine. My heart hurts for the those that express sympathy for the burden my mom's care has become for mostly my sister, but for both of us. It is not burden, it is no duty, it is an expression of the love I feel for Mom.
I guess I want to start a discussion here. Why was/is my relationship with my parents relatively unique? Maybe it is not so good? Maybe it is somehow pathological? I certainly don't think so, I just think it is "small town" - the modern, urban, electronic equivalent of the kid that grows up, gets married and buys the house next door. I also think it bespeaks my parents devotion to the Lord and to my sister and I.
What do you think?
Related Tags: parents, closeness, relationships, growing up
In all of that; however, I have found one astonshing fact - the closeness that I had with my father is relatively unique. People that did not know us well simply look amazed when I tell them that Dad and I spoke several times a week. People that did know us tell me how blessed I was to be that close to my dad and express how they wish they could have been that close to their parent and/or child. I respond with a bit of incredulity because my closeness with my father was the most natural thing in the world to me. By the way, I am that close to my mother too, but given her dementia....
I will not bore you with the details, but as with all parent/child relationships there was a time when things were quite strained, but we just worked hard to get through it and came out the other side friends. When people ask that is the what I always tell them. Yes he was my father but he was also amongst my closest friends.
Why not - who would I share more perspective with than the man that taught me perspective to begin with?
Among the grief I am currently feeling is grief for those that tell me they wish they could be that close to their parents, or who are simply astonished at how close I was to mine. My heart hurts for the those that express sympathy for the burden my mom's care has become for mostly my sister, but for both of us. It is not burden, it is no duty, it is an expression of the love I feel for Mom.
I guess I want to start a discussion here. Why was/is my relationship with my parents relatively unique? Maybe it is not so good? Maybe it is somehow pathological? I certainly don't think so, I just think it is "small town" - the modern, urban, electronic equivalent of the kid that grows up, gets married and buys the house next door. I also think it bespeaks my parents devotion to the Lord and to my sister and I.
What do you think?
Related Tags: parents, closeness, relationships, growing up
