Friday, June 27, 2008
Singleness
John Mark Reynolds recently penned an ode to single people. Though married almost 13 years now, I was single for 20 adult years and really appreciated what JMR had to say in this post.
I will say this though - single people often make singleness pathetic. Rather than embrace it as the place God has for them, either in life, or this season in life, they view it as some sort of temporary holding pattern, pending marriage. (Lord, Lord those were the ladies I HATED dating...I was not just a date, I was the answer to all of their problems - no pressure there.)
The key here is to embrace. If you are single, embrace it. God has something extraordinary in store for you. It may not be as you envision it, but it will be good, this I can promise. If you know someone single - embrace them, not to compensate for the perceived deficiencies in their life, but because of who they are. You will find a treasure.
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I worry that being single is now presented, even in the Church, as hellish, impossible, or a second class citizenship. The married reduce single life to a lack when in reality, my friends have taught me, it is a gain. There is a calling that some men and women have that I do not. [emphasis added]I agree with this completely - "singles ministry" is often designed to somehow "make up" for the deficiencies in single life. Marriage is held up as the ideal, when in fact, scripture is filled with references to the superiority of singleness. When I was single I would have loved to hear a sermon or a Sunday School lesson that concluded as JMR's post did:
Single people are, of course, simply gloriously who they are and who God has called them to be. Just as there is no typical marriage, there is no typical single person. Today I celebrate what those still with me are teaching me and the holy examples of those who have gone ahead of me to Paradise.It's those last few words that really nail it. Chaste singelness is hard, really hard. It is funny how we apply pressure to lower the bar, as it were. I wonder how many "praise of marriage" sermons are born of the thought "no use blessing the singles, no one can do it anyway."?
Hope and I desire to encourage those that today might be discouraged because the culture may be making you feel less than you are, because of your calling to singleness. Thank you for your holy example and know that some we have known have lived the life you lead well and found it, though hard, worthwhile.
I will say this though - single people often make singleness pathetic. Rather than embrace it as the place God has for them, either in life, or this season in life, they view it as some sort of temporary holding pattern, pending marriage. (Lord, Lord those were the ladies I HATED dating...I was not just a date, I was the answer to all of their problems - no pressure there.)
The key here is to embrace. If you are single, embrace it. God has something extraordinary in store for you. It may not be as you envision it, but it will be good, this I can promise. If you know someone single - embrace them, not to compensate for the perceived deficiencies in their life, but because of who they are. You will find a treasure.
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