Wednesday, September 02, 2009
The line between faith and fear is so small. This is especially so in the areas in my life where I used to exercise control and where I would like to exercise it again. My career. My finances. One example stands out vividly. Our first investor committed funds last week, promising to review the necessary documents and wire the money on Monday. This was just at the right time (if not a few days later than comfortable). Even so, I could not sleep Sunday night. What if the investor forgot? What if he was the type of person for whom getting this done on Monday just generally meant a commitment to turn to it “soon”? I needed a backup plan. But all my backup plans involved trying to regain control over an area in which I had no control – they each looked like flailing. What would faith look like here?I think it is because my men's group is reading Phil Vischer's story right now, but I wonder about the wisdom of these specific faith tests in specific situation. I know that at one point in my life I was convinced I was on the right "bigger path," but, because I was convinced I made stuff happen and was blinded to the things where God was saying, "Uh John...I think there is a different bigger path for you." It's just too easy to interpret circumstances and things happen for so many reasons, all of them in God's will but not all of them indicative of God's best desire for us - He does give us the freedom to screw up.
From this, my first cut is that faith would here look like the following: (1) I trust that, if it’s God’s will, the money will be wired as promised on Monday; (2) if not, He will give me the strength to face the next hurdle (follow up with the investor to make sure everything is okay, follow with the bank to make sure all mechanisms are working); (3) whichever He chooses to bring to pass, my role is to say,"God, I trust you absolutely. I believe this is the bigger path to which You have called me, and I know you have promised to provide. You can do it this way or another way as You see fit. I really pray it is this way, because I am not sure my patience can stand another delay, but I trust you that if you think a further delay is right, we will get through it together."
You see the bottom line is this, God cares less about what we do and more about WHO WE ARE. God does not really want to give us the money we need to start our businesses, He wants to make us into people that when we start businesses will be smart about how, and with whom we do so.
Now, indeed, part of being God's man is that I will step out, knowing that God has my back, but my faith in the Lord will be tempered with a deep and true understanding of Him and myself, my strengths and weaknesses. If I fear the question is not, and never will be, God's faithfulness, but rather what about me have I not let God reach sufficiently to equip me?
Often the answer is our dreams.