Friday, January 29, 2010
- Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
- Always take time to stop and smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.>p? Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
- If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.>p?If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
- When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
- It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbors's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
- Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
- Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbors's car.
- It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel. It's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.
- This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.
- Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off and when it isn't, you can't wait to throw up.