Thursday, September 18, 2014
Hope From Hurt
In our early years of longing for children, my husband and I followed the Lord to India on mission. We sacrificed many things to fulfill this calling. When we, eventually, returned home to the U.S., we had no clear direction and were no closer to being parents.Needless to say, the empathy for childlessness is strong in this house. It is a very difficult struggle. And I cannot necessarily speak for my wife on this as to some level our perspectives must be different. That said, I know that for me it has not been a matter of coming to terms with self, but deciding how best to be useful to the Lord in this childless situation - it's not about my pain, it's about the other.
I knew God was good and powerful because I had seen him work in my life before. I wrestled with God. There were — and still are — dark moments.
Despite my trust in God’s faithfulness, I long for a different story.
The story of infertility is not one I would have chosen for myself, but it is the one God is giving me.
For me, coming home is about acknowledging the home I have in relationship with Christ — with or without children.
Because our home is not made up of children, I am tempted to think no one is impacted by my traditions.
But, my heart is changing while I wait. Becoming more like Jesus doesn’t mean forsaking or burying my human pieces. It means redeeming them. Yielding them. Learning to be unapologetically broken. Letting him replace my broken pieces with wholeness. Realizing that the deepest longing I have can only be met in Christ.
When my home is an authentic place where people are welcome, I’m choosing to be proud of my story.
When on has children, it should not be about self-fulfillment, but about the child. I cannot help my own child - Who can I help?